184. Deadly Dough

16 Sep

In San Diego the sun beat down mercilessly on every available surface, metal  singed fingers and waves of air rose off of the tarmac. Outside of a small shop there was a car parked, from inside came a muffled bang, no-one outside noticed. The figure inside the car reached up cautiously to the back of its skull then collapsed limply.

Over time the people passing in and out of the shop noticed the slumped figure with her eyes closed and windows rolled up. The figure was one Lisa Burnett, a 23 year-old blonde-haired figure who was now by some contrivance of circumstance inert in the front of a rapidly heating car. Eventually one person who had been in the shop for over an hour became concerned and carefully approached the car.

Her eyes were open and she looked ‘very strange.’ The man asked if she was okay. She said that:

“she’d been shot in the back of the head and holding her brains in for over an hour”

The alarmed man called the emergency services immediately. The doors of the car were locked and Lisa refused to remove her hands from her head, so they broke into the car. Upon their eventual entry thy quickly moved to examine the back of Lisa’s skull. Parting her blonde hair and looking between the gaps in her fingers they quickly realised the truth; Lisa had a wad of bread dough affixed to the back of her skull.

In the summer heat a Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded producing a loud sound like a gunshot. The dough inside, propelled by the pressure release a was of post-Pillsbury detritus impacted with the back of her skull. She cautiously reached for it and when she assumed the worst, she fainted. Soon she regained consciousness and some of her senses, proceeding to hold in her brain for over an hour until someone came to help. The headline in the local newspaper read: ‘Killer Biscuits Wanted For Attempted Murder.’

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Posted by on September 16, 2011 in Articles


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